Chuck Norris’ face

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris in high school

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Superman’s pajamas

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


Rachel Custer


for D.T. and other lonely people

Yesterday I said the thing
I was trying to say
perfectly to myself. I am something
astounding, I am like the grand
canyon, I said, by which I meant
I sometimes feel hedged in
by those who would sweat in hot cars for days
just to stand and look at me. And people think
I am saying I am a spectacle, a wonder
surrounded by nothing
as huge as me, and people think I am
claiming majesty. People travel for days
to look at the most important canyon, which is to say
the biggest empty space. Sometimes
I might as well kick pea gravel over the side
rather than try to explain who I am
and wait until I hear it hit the ground.
What I am trying to say
in small, hard words that always fall away
from what I mean,
is I am not the canyon, the immense
perfection of its depth, I am more
the missing earth dispersed,
trying to feel whole, to believe
that God makes sometimes
by taking away.

October 18, 2016