Why there are ghosts


Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rain story

Flash fiction is the perfect way to read for our attention-less no-time society. All stories under 1,000 words. What’s everyone so busy doing, anyway, that no one has time to read a damned book? Well, here’s a super short story, you lazy bastard.

It is raining again. I need groceries. I have work later, but I can’t go out. I’m made of sugar. You think that’s funny? You’ve never been caught in a light drizzle and felt your face melt. I have. It’s hideous. Nose dripping into chin, eyes drooping, one twice the size of the other. Nothing to do but bake a new one. Laugh. You think it’s funny. Mom told me, life isn’t always sweet. Not always.

–CL Bledsoe
Via.

My Struggle, by Donald Trump

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The web on Trump’s hair:

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Trump quotes about his hair via and via:

“I do not wear a rug. My hair is 100 percent mine. No animals have been harmed in the creation of my hairstyle.” (“Trump: How to Get Rich”)

“I will never change this hairstyle, I like it. It fits my head. Those who criticize me are only losers and envy people. And it is not a wig, it’s my hair. Do you want to touch it?” (Forbes, 2014)

“I get up, take a shower and wash my hair. Then I read the newspapers and watch the news on television, and slowly the hair dries. It takes about an hour. I don’t use a blow-dryer. Once it’s dry I comb it. Once I have it the way I like it — even though nobody else likes it — I spray it and it’s good for the day.” (Playboy, 2004)

“The reason my hair looks so neat all the time is because I don’t have to deal with the elements. I live in the building where I work. I take an elevator from my bedroom to my office. The rest of the time, I’m either in my stretch limousine, my private jet, my helicopter, or my private club in Palm Beach Florida […] If I happen to be outside, I’m probably on one of my golf courses, where I protect my hair from overexposure by wearing a golf hat.” (“Trump: How to Get Rich”)

“I will also admit that I color my hair. Somehow the color never looks great, but what the hell, I just don’t like gray hair.” (“Trump: How to Get Rich”)

“I actually don’t have a bad hairline. When you think about it, it’s not bad. I mean, I get a lot of credit for comb-overs. But it’s not really a comb-over. It’s sort of a little bit forward and back.” (Rolling Stone)

On Melania cutting his hair: “And by the way, she’s much more artistic than my hair would indicate. But she believes that if you like something the way it is, you should leave it. She doesn’t fool with the hair. She’s not trying to reinvent the wheel.” (Playboy)

 

Jokes about Trump’s hair via:

Donald Trump announces this morning that he will run for president. His hair will announce on Friday.
—Albert Brooks

Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: “A complex world demands complex hair.”
—David Letterman

…how can the average American look like the president-elect? By hunting and killing their own hairpiece.
—Unknown

Donald Trump will bring to the presidency what the early leaders of America did: fake hair.
—@SarahRkein

Donald Trump might be running for president and he just released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as “blue” and his hair as “ridiculous.”
—Conan O’Brien

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Urban Angst Art


Artist Lynn Aldrich likes to quote a short story from writer Flannery O’Connor as a source of creative wisdom. 

“She said, ‘You must find your own country,’” says Aldrich, “meaning that instead of searching for something you think is way cooler than what you’ve got, your best art will come out of what is purely your connection to the world.”

See more from Lynn Aldrich here.